Do it the hard way...

So I was told when I married Caleb that the Collier family motto was "do it the hard way." I always thought it was a joke, until this last week. So as many of you know, Caleb has been sent to England on a business trip for 5 weeks. He left early Friday morning. I cried like a baby. I really tried to stay strong and not let him see I was upset, but ya... that didn't work out so well. So i kissed him goodbye for the last time and got ready for my ultra sound appointment. I drove to Layton IHC where I was told that I was scheduled at the Ogden Hospital so I drove like a maniac to Ogden and was only 7 min late. :)

I went in and laid on the table for the ultra sound. The doctor tried to get a good look but she said my Uterus was flipped backwards (whatever that means). So she had to take it the other way... ick i know.
She got really quiet and just started taking measurments. I knew something was wrong. she then stopped and said everything else is growing except the baby... you should be almost 10 weeks by now, and your baby is still at 6 weeks... last time at 6 weeks we saw a heart beat flicker, this time there is nothing... Yes, the water works started but mainly for the fact that my husband wasn't there and I had to do this all by myself. I know miscarriages happen in 1/3 pregnancies, but I NEVER thought it would happen to me. That's why i was an idiot and told people so soon. Caleb and I were so excited to become parents. We wanted it so much! I guess there is a reason why the Lord gives us certain trials. That night Caleb didn't want me to be alone so he told me to go spend the weekend with my friends in Logan. On the drive up all i wanted to do was listen to church music. The song that stood out to me was "My kindness shall not depart from thee." youtube it, it's amazing! I loved the Lyrics that said,

Though thine afflictions seem 

At times too great to bear, 

I know thine every thought and every care. 

And though the very jaws 

Of hell gape after thee I am with thee. 

And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee, 

And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings. 

Though the mountains shall depart, 

And the hills shall be removed, 

And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea, 

Know, my child, 

My kindness shall not depart from thee! 

I know that we will get through this, I'm not sure what the Lord has in-store for us but usually when terrible things happen, it's just the Lord seeing if we are strong enough to receive even greater blessings he has in store for us. 

Please don't feel bad. I'm just glad it happened now and not when I got super attached. We know we will have children someday and that time just isn't now.  Caleb keeps in contact with me throughout the day and I have been staying with my amazing Mother in law. So I'm doing fine, Just trying to pass the baby...

Thanks for the support!